Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
