final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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