I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
