I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
