I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
