I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
