I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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