some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
