he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
