i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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