im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
