he wants to bone in the snuggie
vagina is talking i cant
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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