Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
