If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
