Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
