Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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