hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
