I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
