You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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