Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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