Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
