a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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