Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
