i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
