Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
