Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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