he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
