sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the condom got lost in my hair
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
