i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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