My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
