she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
