dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
North Korea, Best Korea!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
