One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
