i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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