too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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