Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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