The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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