I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
