thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
