apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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