Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
