I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
