he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
