My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
