so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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