Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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