i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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