Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
