I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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