Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
