It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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