My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
