I just made out with a guy for $7.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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