I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
