Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
