In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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