Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?