You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.