Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.