I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
