How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes