i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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