My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
