thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
