Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
