I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
