i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
