do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
