At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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