She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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