I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
