im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
