I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
