You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
