Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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